Does the story change?

It has been a while since I wrote this, but it is essential I do.

2 years have gone by, it is the end of 2016. The story sadly hasn't changed. There have been tons of lovely memories, Kuwait has been the left behind, the peeps from there still so precious, but I couldnt simply go back nor would life spring back to normal again.

Normal?
Sedki became my normal, Maja became my normal, Matt and Ghassn became normal and so did Teesh and Katie.
It's past me now, normal has changed once again! Home changed again!

MnM became normal.
But did the story change?
I don't remember him leaving me on the road but my sister does, my mom does. They think it is only twice, but it is actually thrice.

Once in the rain. I got left out of the car in the parking lot of the Heartland. Lol where is the heart in it... I don't know.
Once a few days ago, you left me in another parking lot because you were mad when I didn't agree with you, you made me get out of the car, go to the bus stop. When the bus almost came, you honked and embarrassed me.
Today you got a taste of your own medicine. You pissed me off, I swore at you A****** and then you got mad. Because I chose to continue working on my makeup, you got even more mad and left. I didn't apologize on purpose. You swear at me all the time when you get angry and never say sorry. I have to force it out of your mouth and even then I know you don't intend on every saying sorry for calling me a B**** , telling me to f off... bla bla. So the other way around is such a big sin? No I dont think so.

So is the third time the charm?
What happens now?
You cost me 24$ today, made me beg for a ride, when I walked off you followed and turned, and left me once more.

Not reliable.

Does this story change?

What is love really? Just the lovey doevey good old blub? It disappears in the anger?

And who tries to use their manly strength to shut the door and not let me out when I am in a hurry and then is offended when sworn at?

And I need to change?

Sorry,

NOT.

Grateful

Reality!

After having everything, being booked on a vacation in a week... I dont think I am happy.

I don't know where we stand. It's sad, but everything we should not be doing or going through has happened! Like woah is this how it was supposed to end? Or like this is the rubber band effect! I don't know! I just don't! And guess what it sucks... I can cry all I want but seriously would I be happy putting up with nonsense, being the reason you get angry, am I a detonator? And why am I the reason to your anger always? The said we'd made it so far... and I've always been one with you... and now when I am a point in my life where you mean so much to me... you cut me off! Yeah I get it your going through some very difficult times... But you've always had me... your parents and your friends. I'm here far from home... and yes keeping myself busy. But you never asked me how I was doing? I am OK.. living from the outside as a very happy person... with everything great ... lots of money! But you know what that money is useless.. it cant buy you happiness... its not your family! I wish... I really do wish you saw the cracks and tried to help me for once. I know its all about the more important things.. but isn't this important? What about me being happy?


I'm still crying... crying for what I actually don't know.
Maybe because I am alone... and the void will take time to fill...
Maybe because I did not get what I wanted today...
Maybe its time to be with my mommy...

I just miss you mom
Your one person I can tell everything too.. good/bad.. for what it is... I love you

Cinar I dont know how you find out if something is off with me. I dont know but thank you for always just being there for me. I did not disturb you today because its not fair that everytime I am sad or in trouble you leave everything and give me your attention. I love you my friend <3

Me - I got called detached.. I'm not. I think you wont understand the pain sistu... you wont understand the feeling of not belonging... and not being at home truely. In someways it has become home... but in someways home is always where family is. I miss you all. I miss home today! Lots.

Its different when you wake up one day and the person your life revolved around isn't there . Thats when you realise how much your life revolved around this one person. Was it worth it? To love is one thing.. to be dependent is one? I feel like I ignored so many other things before. Oh well time to learn... once again!

Khallas!

V

The crack gets wider

From being in bliss during december... to being equally distant, I dont know what has happened. You went from being so close to so far. I dont even know whats going on in your life anymore. Why? I know you'll blame me... but you really need to start taking responsibility for your words now. All I need is for you to acknowledge that those words were harsh... but instead your telling me "cut your drama or I'll abuse again"! Is this what I signed up for? Will this be the norm a few years from now?

Sorry, I know we're hurting... but it's time I stand up for myself. I understand your going through some rough times... but that doesn't mean you take it out on me. Actually you can, but I wont be able to deal with your verbal abuse. We can talk it out... but your talking it out is 'good night, m off to bed'.

We're so lost... so far. So much happened and you never told me. I just dont know when will it all go back to normal... or is this it?

Is it?

Free birdie!

My parents have always respected my decisions... have trusted me ... and I know what I do is what they would do for me!

So I have no regrets with what I say or do!

I have and will always fight for what i believe in.

No one changes this about me... not even u!

If they trust me... u'll have to too!

_________________________________________________________________________________

H - I am gonna buy you a rasberrypi! Cant wait to see your excitement
-_________________________________________________________________________________
Me - Kitty ? I kinda want Harold the cat now from Mr. B.
I want it to cuddle with me.
Still have to meet this cutie cat!
<3
I'm in love with it already without meeting it!
Soon <3
:) New words to add: Habibti, Anti Helwa , Anti jamela - These make my day! So do you :)

To an Angel!

Any expression of Thanks will fall short...

But here it is.

Thank you

For always being there...

During nights at uni when you consoled me while I cried over Physics Labs and Math concepts...

During the events and all the preparations...

The heartbreaks and heartaches...

For dealing with me in every sort of mood...

For making me smile through all the tears and the lows...

For showing me a new city that I loved and taking care of me...

For being the first person of contact when I moved to a new place...

For making me smile and accept things at McDonalds on Skype...

For picking up all the pieces of broken glass and sticking them perfectly...

For never questioning but just loving...

For forgetting your birthday and being empathetic and understanding of my loss that day...

For always knowing when I am sad and need to just talk...

And for today for showing me once again you'll be always there...

And for being able to cure every problem and mood swing...

They say God made mothers to be there for children, I totally agree on that...

But God made an Angel like you for me!

Canim, Thank you. 

Show me that you care!

I wouldn't have ever imagined that my one student would respond the way he did...

From the defensive, mean, rude evil tiny person... today he went from being all that to polite, nice and pleasant to deal with. I hope you know I really care! I want you to pass and to do well in school! I am not here to make your life miserable and today you showed me that you wouldn't make it any more miserable.

I am happy!
I made a difference :)