Turns out that I misjudged myself ... I CAN share, I CAN open up and most important of all I CAN do it. Today was a new day... I went into my classroom knowing what I wanted to end up with, realizing that I AM an open book and it is up to me to fill it all in. As I sit on my bed and just comprehend all the amazing things that happened I want you to know, that I am going to be OK! And most importantly we're going to be OK and you're going to be OK!
Sometimes getting to know a person changes how your relationship ends up with them. I could be hostile... but it's even better for me to give in, be a bit better, make her feel better and have a easier year. As we ease into our new roles, I forget that its just not me dealing with everything new! I might have ignored the others at Arkan, the few people I forget to ask how they are doing back in Sauga... and sometimes I forget to ask my own family whats going on?
But at the end of the day, I just needed to ask and they were there. Sadly it wasn't me asking ... the other half did on my behalf... but surprisingly it was all I needed. I am not saying that the best way to deal with "I want my mommy" is to figure out a way to reach her and not give me empathy and 'be nice' :P to me, but all I am saying is that thank you for telling poppy that I just needed them. Waking up to mommy's call was amazing! Spoke to daddy on skype, who should totally receive an award to coming on cam and being able to use it so well! I am impressed! I remember what my prof told me last year...I am going to have to give a chance to let people in and to let them know how I feel... to stop keeping it in and to have 'feelings', to be able to say and express and most importantly to tell them how important they are in my life.
So here it is:
1) To mommy and daddy - I love you and I know you're so proud of me. I saw my dad getting all emotional on skype today and telling me he'd come online tomorrow to talk to me! Mommy I love you! You know that I miss you!
2) Poppy - umm we are one unit! Theorem - no need for proof, refer to umm last 22. something years!
3) Him - I know this is different, I know this is difficult... but you promised me to be there for me! All I ask is atleast try to work things out. Today was a new start... lets keep the momentum going. I did wake up eventually - went and made a cheese sandwich (KRAFT AND LAUGHING COW ARE AMAZING!!!!).
4) Canim - You are an angel! I had Tabouli , and Dolmak today! Techekurlar and Eveeeetttttt!
5) Har - heheheh for asking me my stories and keeping me in the loop! I do want a cute 'kit-kat'. Pleaseee! I hope its so fluffy!
6) R + S + A + Chi + Arj + Aria + Everyone! How you know me so well.. sometimes surprises me! But <3 <3 <3
7) Shah I miss the dancing!
8) To the new staff and all the new friends I made: today's lunch, then the card game, ensuring we are there for each other and the movie night just now makes me realise that I am building a new family away from home!
9) Aunty - I am in awe of you taking my side today! I am in awe how you know there is a problem. Thank you for stepping in and giving us a helping hand... we were in dire need of it!
10) The grey shirt and black tie! The random swings.. the understanding... and a great friendship I'll always cherish! Thank you for calling me a strong sexy women! :D Helps to have the ego boosted!
11) David - You patience is to die for and I have so much respect for you! All the walks all over the parks and trails is what I'll always cherish! Also I kinda passed a few courses because of you. Thank you for always guiding me and giving me your opinion and being honest and a great friend!
Thank you special people for being positive around me always. For ensuring I am always happy and don't feel low at all. For making me always believe and re-affirming my thoughts to let me know I CAN do it. I do feel loved, cared for and in good shape to start my teaching career!
V